Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just had sex on a roof
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
