Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
