You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
