Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
