I just threw up on my dentist
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
