Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
