so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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