Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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