Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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