just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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