i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
