Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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