I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
