Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
