if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
