i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
