Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
