1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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