she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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