her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I intend to get homeless drunk
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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