I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
