is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
