I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
