I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize