im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
