i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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