Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
