My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
