we're chasing vodka with high fives
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
