My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
