True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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