He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
