I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
