sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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