Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
