I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize