don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
