In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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