I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize