i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
