it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Damn victory sex feels great
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
