Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
