writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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