it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
