she looked like the before picture.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
