Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
