After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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