Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
