I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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