i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
