she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
