Say something about gay babies.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
