I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
