i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
