Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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