he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm always down for nudity.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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