let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
