new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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