Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
