Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
