Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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