Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
