She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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