So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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