I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
