At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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