This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I need to stop coming to work sober
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
