I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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