you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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