Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
