Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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