Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
