she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
