guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
