i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
