yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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