i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize