Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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