your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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