FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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