I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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