So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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