I checked into jail on foursquare
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
