wanna go halves on a baby?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
this beer tastes like vomit already
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize