operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
