I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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