What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
MIDGETS
????
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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