I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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