He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize