In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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