if you like me you must not know who I am
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize