put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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