Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
