Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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