He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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