and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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