so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize