Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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