when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
