I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
