Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
