24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
