And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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