It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
