xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
