i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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