If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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